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There are those moments in your relationship, when sex is the last thing on your mind. Days, when you just want to curl up with your partner and read out poetry to him.

Remember, in your courtship days, these were the small means by which you bonded with your partner. Like, discussing Shakespere or maybe sharing a common fascination for cars or paintings. However, once into a long standing relationship, most couples seem to be entirely focused on sex. And that does lead to a lot of complications, misunderstandings and hurt. Why not then take a step back and go back to the basics.

We'll give you a list of all the things you can bond with your partner, minus the ‘S’ factor:

Cook it up: Bank executive Amit Rastogi speaks about his experience. "We were five years into our marriage and kids, holding on to our jobs were beginning to take a toll on our lives. Going on a second honeymoon did not prove to be the de-stressor we were looking out for. We were feeling drained out and empty after each day. One day my wife, Anuradha, initiated me into the kitchen and its myriad wonders. As I helped her toss up dinner, we indulged in playful banter, almost like kids. And it felt like magic when we recalled memories of our initial days of marriage. It wasn't just about helping my wife, but I was getting to learn about my own culinary skills."

Psychologist Arun Vaid explains, "People often resort to cooking as a de stressor. And many have come to me saying it has a positive effect. Couples need time out from sex and day-to-day responsibilities. They need to enjoy the small things that they have in common and take interest in each other, apart from the physical aspect. Not only that, when you cook together, you end up discussing your tastes, the spices that pep you up, childhood days when your mom cooked your favourite food on your birthdays. When you go through these refreshing experiences again, you feel the monotony breaking. It peps you up for the present."

Ask your partner to teach you driving: Ketaki Sharma, a manager with an MNC recalls, "There were no conflicts between my partner and me. Infact, we had reached a stage in our relationship when there wasn't anything more I could ask for. Yet, the stagnancy made us feel so disoriented. It was like no matter what we did, we couldn't surprise ourselves anymore. The sex bit took a beating because of this over-the-top comfort level. We would often be too tired to experiment with anything. Trying out new positions did not intrigue us anymore and we are just 25. Then I decided to learn driving. And Shamik, my boyfriend, became my teacher. We would go for our driving jaunts every night and end up fighting, arguing and sometimes making out in the car itself. It was only then that we found our groove back."

Family counselor Ashish Deshpande says, "Every couple goes through a lull. Sometimes, they bounce back out of it, but there are moments when it could stretch for a longer time span. Couples could be at a crisis if they don't find ways to come out of it. Learning driving from your partner is a lot of fun, provided you are a bit careful. The key is to realise that when you enjoy doing something with your partner, do it regularly as long as it gives you shared happiness. After years of living together, the complacency that sets in should be broken every once in a while by doing things one has never tried before."

Go trekking: Nitin Kapoor, a software engineer says, "Many of my friends went for trekking and camping with their clubs. While the wives would remain at the base camp, the husbands would go rock climbing. We decided to go trekking as a change because there was always something we fought about on a daily basis. I took my wife camping to the Himalayas. Despite being a non trekker all her life, she accompanied me all the while learning about her own potential. She asked me a lot of questions and I was pleasantly surprised and quite happy when she took so much interest."

According to Deshpande trying out a physical activity brings back the bonding instinct. "When you go about doing a difficult task and realize that there isn't anyone you can rely upon except your own instinct or your partner's, you immediately seek new ways of bonding with him/her. And after great physical activity, its only natural to round it off with some stimulating sex. People don't realize that when you change your surroundings, your urges also undergo a change,